now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
