I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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