there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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