but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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