No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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