if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
