You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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