I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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