I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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