i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
