Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
