I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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