she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
