I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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