You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my shit smells like andre
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
