My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize