He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
