I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
