I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
