after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
