i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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