Quick, to the slutcave!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
