I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
