He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
