Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
