Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
