Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
