when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
