I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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