and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
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They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??