yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...