At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.