Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  whjeg hajt iyt

  (914): View more from New York

  say what?

  (845): View more from New York

  wanna hang out?

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  (845): whjeg hajt iyt (914): say what? (845): wanna hang out? http://tfl.nu/4g99
  Replies (8) Good night (1413) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

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  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (23781) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"

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  (603): your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers" http://tfl.nu/lsqw
  Replies (16) Good night (4094) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.

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  (612): If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting. http://tfl.nu/7l1r
  Replies (13) Good night (4474) Bad night (1386)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

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  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (11882) Bad night (1348)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I can't feel my brain.

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  (417): I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison. (417): I can't feel my brain. http://tfl.nu/qap9
  Replies (11) Good night (1855) Bad night (4103)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

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  (513): I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration http://tfl.nu/y2rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1678) Bad night (2527)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force

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  (765): I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force http://tfl.nu/6fxy
  Replies (4) Good night (2124) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.

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  (607): This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart. http://tfl.nu/peyr
  Replies (17) Good night (2981) Bad night (853)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?

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  (647): My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy? http://tfl.nu/waaq
  Replies (14) Good night (3345) Bad night (1307)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

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  (304): As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj. http://tfl.nu/nu7q
  Replies (16) Good night (2537) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?

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  (405): Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it? http://tfl.nu/wmow
  Replies (1) Good night (736) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.

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  (443): Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/0m7p
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Why were you not born a dude?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Because god wanted to level the playing field

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  (727): Why were you not born a dude? (1-727): Because god wanted to level the playing field http://tfl.nu/5cfo
  Replies (3) Good night (955) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.

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  (860): Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me. http://tfl.nu/l2ve
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (225)

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