I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
