you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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