it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
