Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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