I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We need to feng shui this bitch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
