The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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