"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
