I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
