How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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