you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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