I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
