You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
