Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
