He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
