Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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