dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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