The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
