all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
