all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
