There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
