I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
