There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
