I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
