Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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