Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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