I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He felt like a one man threesome
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
