Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
