i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
