Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't turn off my feet"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
