I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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