if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
