FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
