It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
