i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
