wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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